Jai Gurudev: April 2011

Nothing Suits Me Like A Suit
by Barney Stinson

I know what you’re thinking
What’s Barney been drinking?
That girl was smoking hot
Yes I coulda nailed her
But no it’s not a failure
‘Cuz there’s one thing she is not
To score a ten would be just fine
But I’d rather be dressed to the nines
It’s a truth you can’t refute
Nothing suits me like a suit
Picture a world
where all the boys and girls
Are impeccably well dressed
That delivery guy
in the jacket and tie
That puppy in the double-breast
That ’80s dude in mutton chops
That baby with a lollipop
That lady cop who’s kinda cute
Nothing suits ‘em like a suit
Wingman I can wear
They’re oh so debonair
The perfect way to snare
a girl with daddy issues
In navy blue or black
Check out this perfect rack
I want to give them a squeeze
Oh really? Then answer these questions
If you please
What would you do if you had to choose
Between your suits and a pot of gold? Suits.
What would you say
If you gave your suits away
In return you’d never grow old? Suits.
What would you pick
One million chicks
Or a single three-piece suit? It’s moot.
What if world peace
Were within your reach … Abbadabada I’m gonna stop you right there. It’s suits. Come on, Lily. Get your head outta your ass.
Two! Three! Four!
Girls will go and girls will come
But there’s only one absolute
Every bro on the go needs to know
That there’s no accepted substitute
I’m sorry suits, let’s make amends
My Sunday best are my best friends
Send casual Friday down the laundry chute
‘Cuz nothing suits the undisputed oft-saluted suitor of repute
Like a …. wait for it …
Suit!
(dying to purchase it with my own money and wear it)